we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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