mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
