I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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