It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
