i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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