When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
