guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
