im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
