On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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