I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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