Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
