You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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