a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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