I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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