last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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