I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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