So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
