The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
