Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Let's get the cat blown out
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
