Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
