some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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