About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
