It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
