Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
