I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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