The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
