I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
