one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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