we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
