i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
