Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
