susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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