dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
