His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
