I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
