Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
