Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
