I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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