Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
