some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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