I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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