i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
