So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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