By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
