idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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