i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
