my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
