margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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