do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
