I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize