ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
