Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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