one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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