i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize