HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
