If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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