Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
