According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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