I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
