I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
