he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
