He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
