My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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