Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
