I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize