so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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