So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
