my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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